I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
