Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
