the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
