Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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