when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I would fuck him just for his dog
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize