I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
