Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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