I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
