I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
