Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
