You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
COCAINE IS GR8
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
