So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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