how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
