why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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