jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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