apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
