i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
