do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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