"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have started to decorate penises.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
