Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
