i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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