Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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