He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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