just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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