pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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