I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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