Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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