Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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