and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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