I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
