I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
