if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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