In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This house was built for laser tag.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
