I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
