Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
