I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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