I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She said her name was "party"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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