i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
