I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
