just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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