four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
