Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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