true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
