hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
