he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
