Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
