i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
