Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
