Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
