Redeem this text for a blowjob
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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