I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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