Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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