I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
