he thought i was a dude.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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