he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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