She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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