Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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