So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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