he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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