New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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