Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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