This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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