Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everything about him screamed your future.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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