i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
