guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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