he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out mid-signature
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
