Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
