I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My pussy is not your playground.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
