He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
