look no pants
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
