Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
