afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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