Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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